Monday, January 7, 2008


A small excerpt from the story I'm working on. Likely to be changed. (When I write I like to try to think temporary for the most part, assuming that whatever it was I just written can be made better, or perhaps I will find some information that needs to be changed as I unfold the story. For me, it's only when it's published and on the shelf that it is finally a concrete story.) This may not even be part of my finished book, or it may be a separate "History Book" volume. It's mostly back-story with little to do other then setting the stage for the actual story I'm writing. My goal is a mythology that chronicles the world as it is in my imagination from beginning to end. If I ever publish the story, it will probably not be my first attempt at getting something published. It is strictly a hobby, perhaps obsession, of mine that could take years to finish. I'm writing it for my own enjoyment rather then writing a book to sell or even publish, and as such it something that delights me regardless of what it does for other people. If it ends up someday being a marvellous epic when I get done with all the rewrites and edits, then great! If not, that's fine too... So long as I enjoy it. I would like for it to be something that a lot of people can enjoy, but my first objective with it is to simply tell the story I have to tell!

"Darkness. Every word, every thought, every feeling, was darkness. Silent, empty, darkness. Then the first whispers of melody broke through like a pinpoint of light. A song, a note? Another whisper, then another. With every whispering a little light. Out of the darkness a note turned into a melody, a melody into a song, a song into a symphony. With every note a little more light. Soon light crept over the darkness until every place was filled with it's glory. And then there were voices. One voice could be heard, all the other voices were merely echoes of his own. As The Creator sang, a ball formed within his hand, it was dark and had little swirls of light inside of it, as if it was lit by a little fire within. The echoes ceased as the singers cast their gaze upon The Creator's hands holding the little ball as if it were precious and fragile. The Creator began a new song, softly he was singing, nearly whispering over the ball as if imparting life into it or attempting to hear the soft heartbeat of a living creature while he sang to it. Then he began to sing so that they could hear the words he said. Every word had never been spoken before and took forth meaning and wonder in the eyes of the echoes as they watched and listened to each new word. The melody began softly and grew with growing intensity as he sang his song of creation. The lights danced within the orb and clouds of colour swirled around them. Then they dimmed into blackness leaving no light to be seen within the ball. Then as if in their minds they saw a planet being formed, blue in colour and pleasant to look at. A smaller silver orb was placed near it. No source of light could be seen yet it seemed to them that it was illuminated. And all was silent. The Creator began another song, a darker song, a sad song, and as he sang, though the echoes knew not what the words were, Lucifer, The Morning Star, the most beautiful and lordly of the echoes stepped forth before The Creator. He gazed upon the dark orb still in The Creator's hands and sang a song of his own making. In harmony with The Creator's song yet something more then an echo did it contain. The Creator's song transcended his song regardless of how much he tried to make his song a sweeter song. Fury awoke within him as he stared at the black orb, desire to master the orb grew within him and he spoke forth with a new song, a song completely of his own making, no longer harmonizing with that of The Creator's song. A great shape like that of a dragon, made of flame rose up as Lucifer sang his song. And still the Creator's song continued on, untouched by his pride, unmoved by his flame. As Lucifer left from in front of The Creator's throne, a third of the Echoes followed after him, becoming known as the Noise. Down onto the blue planet they descended. Down from their glory, down from their splendor, Lucifer looked with hatred upon the world that The Creator had made, rising up against it he cast his rod upon it's surface and covered the surface with flame. It turned from blue to orange and the water became as clouds of poisonous steam. He cast his rod down upon the surface once again and the brown lands crackled and broke apart like a broken eggshell. The planet was made desolate and formless. And over the horror a small melody, the melody of The Creator could still be heard, grating in the ears of Lucifer and the Noise the planet that had been made formless became whole again. The rod of Lucifer broke asunder as it descended deep into the abyss. And suddenly light like that which had never broken forth before shone forth, it's brightness and glory surrounding Lucifer with it's torturing brilliance. No corner of the worlds was left in darkness, for darkness had been pushed aside by the tremendous force of the light. And behold the light grew dim as darkness once again settled over the land. Lucifer's hatred burned within him as he saw the waters be likewise divided, he saw a layer of water surround the planet above and below the atmosphere of the planet. The Creator's song then formed land, a great land, most of the surface remained covered with water, and one continent stood upon the surface of the Earth. The sea and the land. Then the song of The Creator reached a beauty unheard as green things crept across the dry, brown, surface of the land. Tendrils of living color stretched across the land and under the sea. A great forest stretched from the top of the land to the bottom of it and from east to west, yet there were significant places of valleys and mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, and wild and untamed plains. The forest consisted of every kind of tree the fields contained every kind of flower and herb. A great light spread across the surface of the Earth as a great star was placed nearby. A silvery orb floated just outside the Earth's atmosphere. But then the most wonderful things of all began to take place. The first creature to walk the earth was the unicorn. It's gleaming horn shining in the light of the newly created sun. Another unicorn joined it, with a smaller horn and slightly smaller build. They watched the Sun with unblinking eyes before taking flight across the land with marvelous speed. Then it was that birds took flight into the sky, chief among these was the phoenix, a marvelous bird with vivid bright colors, different for every phoenix and beautiful to behold. Powerful, able to transport itself anywhere instantly, deceptively stronger then it looked, able to withstand fire, even The Dragon's fire. A ball of flame, a pillar of light, a pile of dust, and a boulder of extremely hard stone stood in field. The creator looked at the flame and the light, the dust and stone and behold there came forth out of the light and dust beings, clothed in robes of white, the dust and light disappeared as there stood before The Creator two marvelous beings. The being that he made out of light he called Galandor. Firstborn of the Elves, enemy of Lucifer from the moment of his creation. He had piercing grey eyes and long golden hair. Next to Galandor, also clothed in a white robe stood the firstborn of Men. Glorious, more like the Elf next to him then men of later days, he had eyes of blue that glistened in the sunlight, his hair was dark brown and lordly, like a great king or mighty hunter. Little difference there was between the Elf and the man next to him. Theoeadam. Then out of the flame there came the firstborn Dragon. Mighty and glorious to behold, strong and beyond words to describe. His vast wings able to carry him into the skies at tremendous speed. He was the dragon of dragons, the sire of Nila and Uaithne in later days. Last of all, out of the stone came, clothed not in robes of white but glistening, silver robes that were almost more like a suit of warrior then the lordly looking robes of the Elf and the Man, there came last Hourgah. The firstborn of the Dwarves. He was about four foot five in hight, had a great mane of brown hair and a beard that fell to his belt. A crafter of stone he was to be, a seeker of jewels and things of the earth. Man was to take to gardening and the caring of the earth. To the Elf was given everything to rule, save his fellow beings. The keeper of knowledge, the keeper of secrets. Teacher of all was Lord Galandor's role. It was not long after that four more beings were created, like and unlike they were to be. Of their names, only one do I know. Katheryn it was, and still is to this day."


strivin' said...

Wow. You have quite a talent. Keep writing.

baddogmooney said...

You're off to an interesting start. You seem to have your antagonist in Lucifer. (Is that going to stay his name?) As for a protagonist in the other characters, we will have to see, eh?

Something I noticed, which I have a hard time with, is writing the passing of time and order of events. I find that I use "then" quite often, and you have used it a few times here. Do have any tips for writing it out differently? I could use them.


S. J. Deal said...

No, I'm afraid I don't have any tips. I was looking over this evening which has a ton of writing tips, maybe you'd find something there. My only suggestion would be to try to find some other way of phrasing it, but then sometimes "then" is exactly the word you're looking for. Don't know, I'm not really the best one to ask for writing tips as I mostly "write by feel" if you will, rather then by rule.

I'm still thinking about if I wish for Lucifer's name to remain such. The dead give-away that this is a bad dude was intentional. He's been Lucifer for the entire time I've been writing the story, this is just a bit of the history to the actual story rather then part of the book. I should clarify that in the actual post. I've got a protagonist, but unfortunately they have not been born yet and so Lord Galandor fills that role for this history book.